EU individual paragraph

In class I heard about the “European Year” for the first time. I was not aware that the EU set up this project in 1983, with the year of craft industry, in order to raise awareness of specific topics. The years focus is chosen by the European Parliament which makes sure that the topics are of general interest and major concern to the EU member countries. This year’s focus is important and interesting for all of us – 2013 is the European Year of citizens. The European Parliament chose to focus on citizens in honour of the 20th anniversary of the Maastricht Treaty. This treaty is responsible for the creation of the EU. It was signed by the members of the European Union in order to work towards a unified foreign policy. Common rights for citizens is the aim of the European Year of Citizens Alliance (EYCA). The EYCA is planning to mobilise society throughout this year to promote active citizenship. To do so, the alliance is active in various fields like education or youth work. To sum up, this year's focus is about the most important part of a country – their citizens. 

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Brainstorming

Feedback 1 (topic sentence):

My colleagues Orsolya and Lisa did a good job! They pointed out that I used the word "years" as well as "year's". We did some research and found out that "year's" is the correct form. Orsolya suggested some ideas for my topic sentence whereas Lisa advised me to capitalize the word "citizens". 

In class I heard about the “European Year” for the first time. The attention of the European Year 2013 is on the citizens. I was not aware that the EU set up this project in 1983, with the Year of Craft Industry, in order to raise awareness of specific topics. The years year’s focus is chosen by the European Parliament which makes sure that the topics are of general interest and major concern to the EU member countries. This year’s focus is important and interesting for all of us since 2013 is the European Year of cCitizens. The European Parliament chose to focus on citizens in honour of the 20th anniversary of the Maastricht Treaty. This treaty is responsible for the creation of the EU. It was signed by the members of the European Union in order to work towards a unified foreign policy. The aim of the European Year of Citizens Alliance (EYCA) is common rights for citizens. The EYCA is planning to mobilise society throughout this year to promote active citizenship. To do so, the alliance is active in various fields, like such as education or youth work. To sum up, this year's focus is about the most important core part of a country – theirits citizens. 

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Feedback 2:

This time, Orsolya took a closer look at my text. She helped me a lot, had many good ideas and also found some mistakes. She pointed out, that I should not use “I was not aware” because it sounded informal and not very professional. When we read through the text we realized that I used the word “focus” five or six times in one paragraph, which was clearly too much. Orsolya is great at paraphrasing sentences, so we used “centre of attention”, “spotlight”, and “chose to concentrate” instead of “focus”. We also replaced “the most important part” with “the core part” because it sounds more formal.
Orsolya, thank you for your help!

The attention of the European Year 2013 is on the citizens.The EU set up this project in 1983, with the Year of Craft Industry, in order to raise awareness of specific topics. The year’s focus is chosen by the European Parliament which makes sure that the center of attention is of general interest and major concern to the EU member countries. This year’s spotlight is important and interesting for all of us since 2013 is the European Year of Citizens. The European Parliament chose to concentrate on citizens in honour of the 20th anniversary of the Maastricht Treaty. This treaty is responsible for the creation of the EU. It was signed by the members of the European Union in order to work towards a unified foreign policy. The aim of the European Year of Citizens Alliance (EYCA) is common rights for citizens. The EYCA is planning to mobilise society throughout this year to promote active citizenship. To do so, the alliance is active in various fields, such as education or youth work. To sum up, this year's focus is about the core part of a country – its citizens.

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Final Paragraph Nr. 2:


The attention of the European Year 2013 is on the citizens. The EU started this project in 1983, with the Year of small business (SMEs) and the craft industry, in order to raise awareness of specific topics. The year’s Focus was chosen by the European Parliament. The Parliament makes sure that the centre of attention is of general interest and major concern to the EU member countries. This year’s spotlight is important and interesting for all of us since we are all European citizens. The European Parliament chose to focus on citizens in honour of the 20th anniversary of the Maastricht Treaty, which was responsible for the creation of the EU. It was signed by the members of the European Union in order to work towards a unified foreign policy. Since the European Unions slogan is "United in diversity", the EYCA, an EU wide network of society organisations, is aiming for active citizenship and civil society engagement throughout 2013. The European Year of Citizens Alliance (EYCA), an EU wide network of society organisations, is aiming for active citizenship and civil society engagement. In order to achieve this goal, the EYCA is active in various fields, such as education and youth work. planning to mobilise society throughout this year. To put in a nutshell, this year's focus is about the core part of every country – their citizens.

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